Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

Today I enter a new decade...oh yes I do!

I am 60 today.  Seems very unreal to be honest.  I remember as a little girl thinking our babysitter as a freshman in high school was really, REALLY, really old!  :) Ah how one's perspective changes...

I have spent a good amount of time the last month thinking about my 50's.  I was trying to come up with a word the summed them up.  It was a tough decade.  I loved, I lost, and it seemed I kept losing.  The only word that kept coming up was CRAP.  Really...CRAP.

Well I sat with that as I drove back and forth to work trying it on for size. CRAP  It fit like a glove!  LOL  Then as I relaxed about it I would have these flashes of things that were really bright lights amongst the CRAP.

The more I relaxed the more bright lights I remembered.  So much so that I felt less the need to label the decade and more the need to the grateful I am coming out of it.  I don't know that I am coming out in one piece..but at least I know where all the pieces are.

So I am now moving into my 60's.  My dear friend Sonia posted a birthday message for me this morning.  Part of it talked about bubbles, sparkles and joy.  Those are my words for my 60's.  Bubbles, sparkles and joy! I don't have to sit long with those words to know they feel just fine!

And with that said I shall leave the CRAP behind...Happy New Decade to ME!

I understand how New York cab drivers may feel...

It seems to me that a lot New York cab drivers had other professional lives in their native countries.  When they arrived in the United States they could not practice their former professions so they drove cabs to make a living.  They were someone else...in their other lives.  They may have had a professional identity that they had to leave behind while they now build a new life.

People may have no idea that the man or woman driving their cab was a doctor or teacher but they left that life behind.  Their identity has to be re-established. Who they are professionally and maybe how they view themselves personally. I think it can feel frustrating...knowing what was and possibly feeling no recognition of that.

That's how I feel and have felt for awhile.  I have found myself saying I was this or that.  I draw on past experiences to define who I was.  I was on TV...I was the Executive Director of this or that nonprofit.

I have been on this journey towards something else and I have not quite clearly defined it.  Feeling the need to do just that... I seem to reach back to what was.  That's not really helpful when I am working on going in a different direction. But it's safer.  Safer to describe what was as if it's some type of validation for what will be.

Not quite sure that works. At some point one just has to let their history be their history. And their future be their future.  And the key may be to stop trying to define what it is and just live it.

 

 

How comfortable is your status quo?

Now that should get you thinking!  Or at least I hope it does...

I am been thinking about mine for a long time.  I know I need to make changes.  If I had a dollar for every time I have said that in the last almost seven years I would be sending this from Paris.  Alas I am not!

How you "are" can get very comfortable.  You can make excuses for why you haven't gone after your dreams.  Lots of us do.  The familiar is certainly less scary.  What if it's not better?  what if I fail?  Thoughts that can haunt the strongest among us.

But here is what I have decided.  As grateful as I am for what I have...if I am feeling every day that I want something else...the message is there.  Then go do something about it.  And if you aren't willing to do that...then just know where you are is exactly where you will always be.

Here does that feel?

It's the Week of Living Gratefully...

Or so I declare.  One week where every single day I shall be grateful and not complain.  One week.  I have noticed that I complain more than I use to.  Maybe I always did but I don't think so.

I am doing it for a number of reasons I suppose.  I could list those but that seems a bit silly.  It will just keep me in that spot.

Hence...The Week of Living Gratefully.

Every day I will write down things I am grateful for.  Write it down.  The power of writing can never be full appreciated until you actually start writing.  There is power in getting something out of your head onto paper. It can feel magical on some level. I say let the magic begin!

And if I find myself complaining about anything... I will bring out my notebook.  Stop.  Read.  Remember. Refocus. And turn back to the positive.

 I want my life to be joyful and full of light.  Every once in awhile I need to remember to turn that light back on.

My name is Jean. I am a scatter a-holic!

That's what I have decided.  I am scattered.  I am all over the place and when you are all over the place do you know where you end up?

Ah...that would be no where.  Spinning in place would be great if I were in that spinning exercise class.  But I am not.  I am living my life.  And I am actually not in one place.  I jump from place to place...never focused and never making good progress in any area.

Rather uncomfortable to say out loud...but probably known to people around me.  Am I the last to know?

Doesn't really matter what "number" I am in recognizing where I am at.  Just important that I gather my scatterings together and focus.

Magic happens when you are focused.  Energy goes forward to clear the path.  But knowing that direction is key. I have tried to do this myself and I just can't seem to do it.

Have you ever felt like something was just out of reach?  Just beyond where you can grasp it?  Ya...like that...for months and months I have felt like that.

I think I have found the tool to bring "me" all together. 

I am taking a seven semester business course with Sandi and Jeremy Krakowski at ARC University. I have followed Sandi for over a year and love her stuff.  Her messages, her postings...her call to get your act together and do great things. 

Today is the first class.  And I have my pencil and paper ready. More importantly for me...I have my spirit ready.

Seven months from now I will be here saying...My name is Jean.  I was a scatter a-holic.  :) 

Ahhhh....let the journey begin.

 

I knew you when...

There is rarely a better way to stay grounded than your own family.  Those I remember when stories can remind you where you started.  You always didn't know so much...act this way or have what you have.

Sometimes when you have forgotten how far you have come...those I remember when stories can remind us all about how much we have to be grateful about.

And nothing brings those stories to the forefront like a mini family reunion.  I hope over this long holiday weekend you are having a chance to connect with family and old friends.  Let the storytelling begin!

You choose your freedom

Today is the 4th of July in the United States.  A day where we celebrate our independence. I am sure most folks don't give much thought to what that actually means.  For many it's about parades, BBQ and fireworks.

But it is wonderful day to pause to think about independence and freedom. Your freedoms.  You have many freedoms you know even if you don't think you do. 

You have freedom to be grateful...freedom to complain...freedom to act...freedom to stay stuck...freedom to connect...freedom to withdraw. 

What freedoms are you exercising today?  Just askin...

Good Lord it is my circus...those are my monkeys!

Yesterday I wrote about staying out of other people's drama.  I noted that I love that saying...not my monkeys - not my circus.

Well a funny thing happened as I watched some things unfold this morning with the people around me...this is my circus and those are my moneys!

Here's the thing.  We all have drama.  We all at times have strange or at best challenging interactions with folks around us.  Unless of course we are alone on top of a mountain which believe me has sounded like a fine idea more times than I can count.

But if you live among other humans here seems to be the key. We must remember we are the ring masters of our circus.  We do have control. Though at times with the crowd noise that is hard to remember. But it is truth.

When things get to be too crazy and those monkeys are getting out of control ... call an intermission and give yourself a break.  That's what that megaphone you get to carry as the ring master is for. Just don't forget to use it. 

 

Not my monkeys...not my circus

I love that!  If I could wear that on a little mirror that hangs in front of me I think I would.

It is so easy to get pulled off track and into someone else's drama.  It is sooo easy. 

It takes focus and attention to stay your own course.  To stay true to what you say you want. 

The key to staying out of someone else's circus is to stay focused on your own.

So forget that TV commercial that keeps asking, "What's in your wallet?"  Here's my more important question... "What's in your Center Ring?"

6 to 60

Good lord where did the time go? life has gone by in a flash...

Okay truth be told some of those flashes seemed to go on forever...but they did end and then merge into the next.  And now in the last week or so I have become very aware that in 6 months-as this is July 1st- I will be 60.  60!  Unbelievable on so many levels.

Unbelievable because I can still remember when my babysitter said she was a freshman in high school and that sounded sooooo very old.

Unbelievable because my life does not look like the lives of people who I knew as a child when they were 60.

It is my life though and this upcoming milestone of sorts has given my pause to review.  Where I am and where I want to go next.

If I was being honest with you I would say I have been comparing my life to others and that can be a bit daunting.  My life does not look like many others.  I am not sure what path I have been on but it has taken me from here to there back and forth and up and down more times than I can count.

I, like you, have my share of bruises and bumps but no one said this was easy.  And for the most part it hasn't been.  The last seven years indeed have been the hardest and the best I can say is that I am still here.

And that is a triumph in my book because there were days I did not think I could go on.  But I did with faith and family and friends.  And in the end when you are comparing your life to others around you that is what you should be comparing...if you feel the need to compare at all.

So 6 months to 60.  I have decided to finish things that I have started and stopped and started again.  I have 6 months to clear the deck and get ready for the next 60...just kidding!  But seriously I think I am tired of carrying all the "I am going tos with me".  Time to finally do them or send them on there way.

I am feeling a need for new adventures and closure.  And I have a deadline with a fabulous cake waiting for me.